Monster by Skillet
Songwriters: Brown, Gavin; Cooper, John Landrum;
The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it
It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can't control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can't control it
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I've gotta lose control, he something radical
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
long while....
it's been a long while since I have posted. Just haven't felt much like it lately. I am taking two new meds for my O.C.D. One is for anxiety and one is for "thought stopping". Hubs doesn't really like how the "thought stopping" one is described, but oh well, that is what Dr. P said. The first day or two they seemed to work, but not sure now. Not sure if they aren't working or if Dr. P was just laying the ground work for higher dosages at my next visit which is in about a week.
My birthday is coming soon. I would love to forget this whole past year. Just hasn't been one to scrapbook so to speak. Keith lost a job, still doesn't have a great one, and we are just making it. At nearly 33 that really STINKS. And to be honest, I have been the cheerleader for the past 10 months and I am tired...very tired.
I am honestly going to try and do better about posting, it seems to help.
My birthday is coming soon. I would love to forget this whole past year. Just hasn't been one to scrapbook so to speak. Keith lost a job, still doesn't have a great one, and we are just making it. At nearly 33 that really STINKS. And to be honest, I have been the cheerleader for the past 10 months and I am tired...very tired.
I am honestly going to try and do better about posting, it seems to help.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
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Tuesday, July 28, 2009
dogs, our nephew and dentists
My nephew has been staying with us since Saturday. It has been so much fun having him here. He is 11 (12 in two months as he readily reminded me at the movies when we were buying his "child's" ticket - doesn't he know that ROCKS to get in cheaper? LOL!) His grandmother was killed in an accident last week, and so we have all been in a little bit of a tail-spin since. I never met her, and she is the ex-wife of my FIL; but with step-families the lines get blurry. And I hurt for my nephew because he is hurting. So although the reason he's stayed so many days with us were not good, I don't want him to go home! :o( He will be back at Keith's mom & step-dad's house where he lives; and I see him at least once a week if not more. But I wish he could stay here a little longer. We have had a blast. :o) Just going to have to have some more days when he comes to spend the night and hang out.
Missie Moo, our border collie, has never cared for our nephew much. He was mean to her when she was a pup, and she NEVER forgot it. Not to mention never really being around children she wants to herd them, not knowing those little ones are people! LOL! But he & Missie Moo bonded. In fact she was in the recliner sleeping with him last night - AWWWWWWW! I even have pictures of Missie getting belly rubs from him. Let me tell you THIS is a miracle!!! But so very precious. :o)
Mazie is not going to know what to do when he goes home either, or Marlie for that matter. But Mazie the most - she CRIED for him while he took his shower today, and he was just in the bathroom with the door shut.......
He has tuckered all three girls OUT this week, and it has been good for them playing with him and if you don't know how little boys can be - well they play rough and sweet and silly and precious all at the same time. It has been a joy to watch!!! And I am telling ya - he will cuddle up with you and watch tv or play a game or anything - and I LOVE THAT!!!
Amazingly, I haven't really felt stressed or anxious since Saturday when he got here. And I am thankful. I did what I had to do, what he needed me to - no matter what. And he gets a little of the O.C.D. - and I only almost cried once when he was pretending to spit loogies on me - EWWWWWWWW! Spit/germs/O.C.D. do NOT mix! But he saw I was about to get a little upset and stopped and gave me a hug and said sorry. Just so sweet!
Finally I had a dental appointment today. Just a filling this time, no shot necessary and I am feeling good. Honestly cannot even tell I had it done. They have come a long way from what fillings used to look like. This is the first filling I have ever had - and I can say I don't WANT to have another one, but I will be ok if I do. :o)
The bad news? Well it is now time for the oral surgeon and Orthodontist. As soon as the next tooth is pulled some cosmetic work MUST be done, or I will have no way to eat. This DOES NOT come at an opportune time considering the hubby still doesn't have the premium job. We are squeeking by, and barely that sometimes - thanks to help from our mom's we are ok. So after I have my next appointment scheduled, but gonna have to cancel. I am kind of frustrated about this, simply because I am on a roll, I am comfortable with our dentist now, I know what to expect and frankly the teeth are hurting that need pulled. One is a baby tooth that never fell out, one is a tooth that had a root canal. So neither are going to do any damage by staying in, but they are painful. But life will go on. I am just one of those people (Yes it may be the O.C.D.) if you tell me I need something done, I just want to go ahead and do it and get it over with. Because the longer I have to think about it, and mull it over - the more likely I am to panic about it. So it would be nice to go for it, have the teeth pulled, see the orthodontist, get the partials made, put the braces on. Ya know? Not to mention that I would like to have teeth with NO ISSUES for a while. I would like to LIKE my teeth for the first time in my life. But again life will go on.
It is 3:12am, and I couldn't really sleep. I am tired, but my mind just won't stop. So going to lay down and try again, and try to get the what did I do wrongs? why do they not like me? what is wrong with me's? out of my head for the night.
Missie Moo, our border collie, has never cared for our nephew much. He was mean to her when she was a pup, and she NEVER forgot it. Not to mention never really being around children she wants to herd them, not knowing those little ones are people! LOL! But he & Missie Moo bonded. In fact she was in the recliner sleeping with him last night - AWWWWWWW! I even have pictures of Missie getting belly rubs from him. Let me tell you THIS is a miracle!!! But so very precious. :o)
Mazie is not going to know what to do when he goes home either, or Marlie for that matter. But Mazie the most - she CRIED for him while he took his shower today, and he was just in the bathroom with the door shut.......
He has tuckered all three girls OUT this week, and it has been good for them playing with him and if you don't know how little boys can be - well they play rough and sweet and silly and precious all at the same time. It has been a joy to watch!!! And I am telling ya - he will cuddle up with you and watch tv or play a game or anything - and I LOVE THAT!!!
Amazingly, I haven't really felt stressed or anxious since Saturday when he got here. And I am thankful. I did what I had to do, what he needed me to - no matter what. And he gets a little of the O.C.D. - and I only almost cried once when he was pretending to spit loogies on me - EWWWWWWWW! Spit/germs/O.C.D. do NOT mix! But he saw I was about to get a little upset and stopped and gave me a hug and said sorry. Just so sweet!
Finally I had a dental appointment today. Just a filling this time, no shot necessary and I am feeling good. Honestly cannot even tell I had it done. They have come a long way from what fillings used to look like. This is the first filling I have ever had - and I can say I don't WANT to have another one, but I will be ok if I do. :o)
The bad news? Well it is now time for the oral surgeon and Orthodontist. As soon as the next tooth is pulled some cosmetic work MUST be done, or I will have no way to eat. This DOES NOT come at an opportune time considering the hubby still doesn't have the premium job. We are squeeking by, and barely that sometimes - thanks to help from our mom's we are ok. So after I have my next appointment scheduled, but gonna have to cancel. I am kind of frustrated about this, simply because I am on a roll, I am comfortable with our dentist now, I know what to expect and frankly the teeth are hurting that need pulled. One is a baby tooth that never fell out, one is a tooth that had a root canal. So neither are going to do any damage by staying in, but they are painful. But life will go on. I am just one of those people (Yes it may be the O.C.D.) if you tell me I need something done, I just want to go ahead and do it and get it over with. Because the longer I have to think about it, and mull it over - the more likely I am to panic about it. So it would be nice to go for it, have the teeth pulled, see the orthodontist, get the partials made, put the braces on. Ya know? Not to mention that I would like to have teeth with NO ISSUES for a while. I would like to LIKE my teeth for the first time in my life. But again life will go on.
It is 3:12am, and I couldn't really sleep. I am tired, but my mind just won't stop. So going to lay down and try again, and try to get the what did I do wrongs? why do they not like me? what is wrong with me's? out of my head for the night.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Quilting & O.C.D.
I am lucky enough to be able to take a beginning quilting class in August. I am very excited about this class, and it is a treat from my Mother-in-law! I have been finding quilting blogs and websites all summer so I can begin to "figure things out." And then today we spent an afternoon in Book A Million browsing, and I found a quilting pattern book for $5! I figured for the 20 patterns in the book, it was well worth the price.
Now you ask, what does this have to do with O.C.D.? Well, I think it is going to tie in very nicely and be a sense of relief and relaxation. In quilting to have to be precise, find patterns of fabrics that coordinate well together and be able to stick with it until the project is finished (some quilts can take a while.) Well I have never heard of a more fit hobby for someone with O.C.D.! LOL! I mean I can spend hours trying to get something organized perfectly in a drawer - so can you imagine the fun I will have getting a quilt just right?
So although my world is VERY SMALL, and I have few "safe places". I will be attending class in a store where I have been many times, with a teacher I have taken a class with in the past, and doing something that utilizes my O.C.D. tendencies! So this is one thing I can GET excited about, stay excited about, and NOT get nervous about (at least for now!) :o)
And why am I blogging about this at 2:15am, you ask? Well although it was something that was on my mind today (which as you know, if it is on my mind then it stays there for a while) and I have a fluffy white dog who's sleeping on the end of the bed and kicking me like a JACK RABBIT so that I cannot sleep. LOL! (And yes I tried to move her, but have you ever tried to move a 50 pound VERY strong herding dog that didn't want to be moved? They go limp and look at you like YEAH RIGHT!)
Today was a good day filled with lunch with my husband, an afternoon in a book store, a Quilting purchase SCORE, and a yummy dinner of leftover grilled hamburgers & hot dogs (Yes, Momma. I said leftover! I know you cannot believe it!)
Gonna try to move the dog again, and go to sleep. :o)
Now you ask, what does this have to do with O.C.D.? Well, I think it is going to tie in very nicely and be a sense of relief and relaxation. In quilting to have to be precise, find patterns of fabrics that coordinate well together and be able to stick with it until the project is finished (some quilts can take a while.) Well I have never heard of a more fit hobby for someone with O.C.D.! LOL! I mean I can spend hours trying to get something organized perfectly in a drawer - so can you imagine the fun I will have getting a quilt just right?
So although my world is VERY SMALL, and I have few "safe places". I will be attending class in a store where I have been many times, with a teacher I have taken a class with in the past, and doing something that utilizes my O.C.D. tendencies! So this is one thing I can GET excited about, stay excited about, and NOT get nervous about (at least for now!) :o)
And why am I blogging about this at 2:15am, you ask? Well although it was something that was on my mind today (which as you know, if it is on my mind then it stays there for a while) and I have a fluffy white dog who's sleeping on the end of the bed and kicking me like a JACK RABBIT so that I cannot sleep. LOL! (And yes I tried to move her, but have you ever tried to move a 50 pound VERY strong herding dog that didn't want to be moved? They go limp and look at you like YEAH RIGHT!)
Today was a good day filled with lunch with my husband, an afternoon in a book store, a Quilting purchase SCORE, and a yummy dinner of leftover grilled hamburgers & hot dogs (Yes, Momma. I said leftover! I know you cannot believe it!)
Gonna try to move the dog again, and go to sleep. :o)
Monday, July 6, 2009
Encouragement
As I have said before, the new show "Obsessed" on A&E drives me CRAZY! Mainly because I do not believe in the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and for more info on my thoughts on this - go back a couple of posts.
I will say that I would like to encourage anyone who knows me and does/doesn't "get" the O.C.D. to watch the show. The episode that just aired to night showed the girl with her boyfriend in the kitchen while he was cooking a meal. She was freaking out! Is this clean, did you wash it, did someone just use it and stick it back in the drawer. This is my life when Keith is cooking anything. The one thing I appreciated about this was that as she got frustrated with herself and apologized and began to cry - her boyfriend hugged her and said "I know, I know, it is ok." WOW - that is so very awesome. He admitted that it was frustrating to deal with her, and her O.C.D., but he was willing to encourage her. I will say that I have encountered A LOT of frustration in this journey. People don't understand why I cannot talk on the phone, or go into a store, or touch something, or eat at a picnic, etc. And they get frustrated, I hear it in their voices, I see it on their faces. My own husband, friends & family members have done this at times.
If someone had diabetes and was unable to go without eating, you would be TOTALLY understanding of them. If someone had asthma and needed to take their time walking into a place or doing an activity, you would be understanding. Name any disease or disorder that is physical in nature, that afflicts someone and people will BEND OVER BACKWARDS encouraging them, talking to them, supporting them, helping them - NEVER getting frustrated. But when it comes to a mental disorder - FORGET IT! People think JUST GET OVER IT and MOVE ON! Don't you think I would if I could? Do you think I choose this?
An issue is on my mind, and I think about it 200 times a day. So I share it, talk about it - and I meet resistance from the person I share it with. WOW that is frustrating. It hurts frankly. It makes me angry. So angry that I just never want to share anything with anyone. I just make my little list and have my therapy session once every two weeks. And to be honest, if I could afford it, I would go to therapy EVERY WEEK, it would be such a blessing. What a joy it would be to be able to talk with someone who doesn't get angry or frustrated with me for my O.C.D. and how it affects my thoughts and feelings.
I think I just get beaten down. When I share what is bothering me with certain people I get asked "well couldn't that be this or maybe it is just YOU." Well no kidding! I know that - I know it bothers me and is because of my O.C.D. usually, but because it is a feeling/emotion/thought; they think OH WELL get over it.
I just had a really rough day today, stomach issues, running a fever. And then my day was topped off with the "Why is this coming up?" question that frustrates me to no end. If I could deal with stuff and make it go away, I would. If I could talk about something once and then move on - I WOULD! But unfortunately my brain doesn't work this way. And getting no encouragement when the O.C.D. rears its ugly head, is hurtful. Sometimes when it is going on, you just need someone you trust and love to give you a hug. No I am not a "hugger" with strangers or people I don't know well. But a hug from someone you love and trust gives a lot of encouragement. Instead of asking "Why is this coming up AGAIN?"
I have said it before and I will continue to say it forever and ever, people with mental illnesses are locked in their own minds, it is a prison. And we need visitors too, just like those people down at the county jail.
It's 2:19am, and I am awake. I think I will get some juice and watch a movie so I can get ready to go to therapy in the morning - my safe place.
I will say that I would like to encourage anyone who knows me and does/doesn't "get" the O.C.D. to watch the show. The episode that just aired to night showed the girl with her boyfriend in the kitchen while he was cooking a meal. She was freaking out! Is this clean, did you wash it, did someone just use it and stick it back in the drawer. This is my life when Keith is cooking anything. The one thing I appreciated about this was that as she got frustrated with herself and apologized and began to cry - her boyfriend hugged her and said "I know, I know, it is ok." WOW - that is so very awesome. He admitted that it was frustrating to deal with her, and her O.C.D., but he was willing to encourage her. I will say that I have encountered A LOT of frustration in this journey. People don't understand why I cannot talk on the phone, or go into a store, or touch something, or eat at a picnic, etc. And they get frustrated, I hear it in their voices, I see it on their faces. My own husband, friends & family members have done this at times.
If someone had diabetes and was unable to go without eating, you would be TOTALLY understanding of them. If someone had asthma and needed to take their time walking into a place or doing an activity, you would be understanding. Name any disease or disorder that is physical in nature, that afflicts someone and people will BEND OVER BACKWARDS encouraging them, talking to them, supporting them, helping them - NEVER getting frustrated. But when it comes to a mental disorder - FORGET IT! People think JUST GET OVER IT and MOVE ON! Don't you think I would if I could? Do you think I choose this?
An issue is on my mind, and I think about it 200 times a day. So I share it, talk about it - and I meet resistance from the person I share it with. WOW that is frustrating. It hurts frankly. It makes me angry. So angry that I just never want to share anything with anyone. I just make my little list and have my therapy session once every two weeks. And to be honest, if I could afford it, I would go to therapy EVERY WEEK, it would be such a blessing. What a joy it would be to be able to talk with someone who doesn't get angry or frustrated with me for my O.C.D. and how it affects my thoughts and feelings.
I think I just get beaten down. When I share what is bothering me with certain people I get asked "well couldn't that be this or maybe it is just YOU." Well no kidding! I know that - I know it bothers me and is because of my O.C.D. usually, but because it is a feeling/emotion/thought; they think OH WELL get over it.
I just had a really rough day today, stomach issues, running a fever. And then my day was topped off with the "Why is this coming up?" question that frustrates me to no end. If I could deal with stuff and make it go away, I would. If I could talk about something once and then move on - I WOULD! But unfortunately my brain doesn't work this way. And getting no encouragement when the O.C.D. rears its ugly head, is hurtful. Sometimes when it is going on, you just need someone you trust and love to give you a hug. No I am not a "hugger" with strangers or people I don't know well. But a hug from someone you love and trust gives a lot of encouragement. Instead of asking "Why is this coming up AGAIN?"
I have said it before and I will continue to say it forever and ever, people with mental illnesses are locked in their own minds, it is a prison. And we need visitors too, just like those people down at the county jail.
It's 2:19am, and I am awake. I think I will get some juice and watch a movie so I can get ready to go to therapy in the morning - my safe place.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
15 years ago today...
I lost my daddy. I will FOREVER love the man he truly was, and I will FOREVER miss THAT man. I have the perfect picture of THAT man hanging in my living room, holding me when I was 5 or 6; and it will always be shown to any new visitor to my house - because that is a TRULY HAPPY, CAREFREE daddy-daughter moment.
The last few months with this blog, I get in this mood to share, share, share!!! Then I get a feeling that no one wants to read my "junk" so I don't post for a while until something hits me hard. But Keith reminded me of something tonight at a church picnic, this blog is FOR ME. I told a friend at church about this blog, and how I do it to try and let people see inside the world of O.C.D. and inside my head. And when Keith was talking about my blog during that conversation - he said "it is her outlet and way to express things she cannot say out loud." I realized then my neglect of the blog is OVER.
SO ATTENTION!!! If you don't want to read about my O.C.D. junk - STOP READING NOW and FOREVER! LoL! And if you want only fun, fluffy, feel-good stories to read - no need to stick around here. This blog is about my O.C.D. riddled mind and what goes on with me -so it will be the GOOD - the BAD - & the UGLY; IT WILL BE REAL!!! Be prepared...
Another thing, I read a couple of old posts tonight - get over the spelling and grammar errors. When I get going, I am SO NOT worrying about that. I am typing from my heart, from deep down and the grammar means nothing at that point, even to a former teacher.
After talking to a friend today, who asked questions - WHICH I LOVE!!! I have decided to post some back story here in the next few days/weeks. About how all this "happened" to me. And if you are still reading this - and you are curious tonight or EVER - ASK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER mind being asked about the O.C.D. - NEVER! I want people to learn about this disease and how TRULY awful it is, and how silent it is. And I want people to learn how powerful friendship and love are, and how your note or email can mean the WORLD to someone dealing with a mental illness.
We are in the bed, I have a hubs snoring beside me, a dog snoring on the floor beside him, and another dog at the end of the bed snoring. OH MY! The only ones not snoring are Marlie & Me. (LOL! that was funnY!)
I am off to play a game on my Nintendo DS for some down time before going to sleep. Nite :o)
The last few months with this blog, I get in this mood to share, share, share!!! Then I get a feeling that no one wants to read my "junk" so I don't post for a while until something hits me hard. But Keith reminded me of something tonight at a church picnic, this blog is FOR ME. I told a friend at church about this blog, and how I do it to try and let people see inside the world of O.C.D. and inside my head. And when Keith was talking about my blog during that conversation - he said "it is her outlet and way to express things she cannot say out loud." I realized then my neglect of the blog is OVER.
SO ATTENTION!!! If you don't want to read about my O.C.D. junk - STOP READING NOW and FOREVER! LoL! And if you want only fun, fluffy, feel-good stories to read - no need to stick around here. This blog is about my O.C.D. riddled mind and what goes on with me -so it will be the GOOD - the BAD - & the UGLY; IT WILL BE REAL!!! Be prepared...
Another thing, I read a couple of old posts tonight - get over the spelling and grammar errors. When I get going, I am SO NOT worrying about that. I am typing from my heart, from deep down and the grammar means nothing at that point, even to a former teacher.
After talking to a friend today, who asked questions - WHICH I LOVE!!! I have decided to post some back story here in the next few days/weeks. About how all this "happened" to me. And if you are still reading this - and you are curious tonight or EVER - ASK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER mind being asked about the O.C.D. - NEVER! I want people to learn about this disease and how TRULY awful it is, and how silent it is. And I want people to learn how powerful friendship and love are, and how your note or email can mean the WORLD to someone dealing with a mental illness.
We are in the bed, I have a hubs snoring beside me, a dog snoring on the floor beside him, and another dog at the end of the bed snoring. OH MY! The only ones not snoring are Marlie & Me. (LOL! that was funnY!)
I am off to play a game on my Nintendo DS for some down time before going to sleep. Nite :o)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
So I took a quiz on O.C.D.
It was a two part quiz, 10 or so yes/no questions and 10 or so how deep does this run question (how many times a day do you do it, how dibilitating is it?)
The said a score of 12 & Up could mean that O.C.D. is likely and that you should see a physician.
I scored a 40.
I laughed out loud. I am thinking I don't have one piece of O.C.D. I got the whole thing. I thought back to these two people on the show I watched last night, and the very specific issues they had. He had a germ thing, She was a checker/hoarder. What happens when you have nearly every possible one? I have a germ thing, I check, I hoard, I have phobias, I pull my hair (eyebrows mostly for me - I am very obsessive about plucking them), I repeat things 100s of times. I have bath time, bathroom, bed time, meal time, study time, church time, driving, laundry, mailbox rituals that must be done exactly has necessary or I will be a total wreck, something bad might happen. And even if you prove to me that nothing AWFUL will happen if I do not do them, my head is in EXPLOSION MODE because I couldn't complete them. So I am going to be interested to see how deep they go OBSESSED, or will it be the one hit wonders (maybe two or three hits, ok? LOL!) Or will they try and deal with someone like me???
The said a score of 12 & Up could mean that O.C.D. is likely and that you should see a physician.
I scored a 40.
I laughed out loud. I am thinking I don't have one piece of O.C.D. I got the whole thing. I thought back to these two people on the show I watched last night, and the very specific issues they had. He had a germ thing, She was a checker/hoarder. What happens when you have nearly every possible one? I have a germ thing, I check, I hoard, I have phobias, I pull my hair (eyebrows mostly for me - I am very obsessive about plucking them), I repeat things 100s of times. I have bath time, bathroom, bed time, meal time, study time, church time, driving, laundry, mailbox rituals that must be done exactly has necessary or I will be a total wreck, something bad might happen. And even if you prove to me that nothing AWFUL will happen if I do not do them, my head is in EXPLOSION MODE because I couldn't complete them. So I am going to be interested to see how deep they go OBSESSED, or will it be the one hit wonders (maybe two or three hits, ok? LOL!) Or will they try and deal with someone like me???
Monday, May 25, 2009
OBSESSED
There is a new show on A&E that I just finished watching, called "OBSESSED." It was really interesting to watch people with O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) going through it, since I have O.C.D. It was comforting in a way, since I have never had anyone TRULY understand what goes on in my head, because they can't. And frankly I haven't had many people TRY to understand. They think it is being ridiculous and dramatic and once they tire of it, they just choose to no longer be around me. My obsessions about what people think about me, or what they MIGHT be doing have cost me friendships. And as the guy said in the closing of the show - People with O.C.D. are lonely - so lonely, because we live in the prison of our minds and no one comes to visit because it is too MESSY and they cannot deal with it.
They are doing exposure therapy with the patients on "Obsessed", and that is not something I agree with. Do I have coping mechanisms, ABSOLUTELY! But even if one thing ceases to be a compulsive thought or action, it is replaced with another. So the germ-a-phob guy on the show who had no trash cans in his house, no towels in his bathroom was made to do this so his "therapist" could put a dirty tampon in his garbage can, and use his towels. Then he was made to hold the towels. And after 3 months of therapy she told him "You cannot control your thoughts, you cannot control you anxiety, but you can control how you react to it." ABSOLUTELY - I control how I react to mine all the time, I push pause, I stuff it till later - but it is GOING TO COME OUT SOMEHOW. It may not be in a visible way that anyone else can see, I'll just do it in secret. I did it for years, when something I did got to weird for people to deal with, or I was told it was annoying or to stop doing something, I just switched the compulsion. I did something in the presence of other people so they wouldn't see, to bide my time. Then when I was all alone and could be FREE - I did the compulsion I needed to do one, two, three or eight hours ago.
The lady on the show had lost her father in an accident, and she had held onto the clothes he died in. She hid them, only brought them out in private. I have so many things - SILLY THINGS - that I have held onto for years. They mean something to me, it might have been a kleenex used at a funeral or a various other things I am not even willing to share openly on this blog - and do I think OH MY GOODNESS why am I keeping this? YES!!!!!!!!! But I cannot throw it away - I might NEED IT.
My psychiatrist told me when I began to see him he did not believe in behavior modification therapy, that is what they are doing on this show. And now that I know more about my disease I understand why. I have been in therapy for FOUR YEARS learning coping mechanisms - these people did 12 weeks and they are suddenly CURED of their O.C.D.? All this type of therapy does is take away the physical manifesting of a person's anxiety. They may not check a lock 100 x's, they may not wash their hands 40 x's a day, but does that mean the thoughts are not there? I don't think so. Can people be "made" to do things, absolutely - but that doesn't take away the MENTAL torture they have in their minds. And I can tell you all day long that I am fine, great, wonderful - it doesn't mean that I am. I can tell you I am not anxious, and if I train myself to hide all the physical manifestations of anxiety - you won't know that I am anxious - there will be no facial expressions, not checking, no washing rituals - but it is still there - inside my head with no where to go. And just like a container that gets TOO full of water - eventually it will start spilling out - over the sides and EVERYWHERE. And honestly when those are put up feelings and anxiety and emotion - I have no idea how they will then manifest - NO CLUE.
I have a dear husband, who loves me enough to walk this journey with me, and I am incredibly lucky to have him. I had lunch dates, movies and shopping with friends. Parties to go to, had people over for cookouts and holidays. I don't have that anymore. And it is so sad to me that people could not deal with this craziness that is my life, but I understand it. I see how annoying my need to constantly be told that you are not mad at me would be frustrating. That my constant worry that I did something wrong would be annoying. That my need to do things a certain way would be tiring. That my obsession with you as my friend, would be suffocating. But it doesn't make it any easier that I spend most days alone, and no longer have those fun things to look forward to. I am just so thankful that Keith loves me and he is my best friend, and I am his - and that we love to do the same things and even the things we don't have in common we tolerate just to be with one another.
Final thought for the evening - just to try and get you to understand what an obsessive thought feels like. Imagine a song that DRIVES YOU UP A WALL - I mean you HATE THIS SONG. It makes you want to throw up with you hear the first note on the radio and you quickly change the station. Imagine that someone hijacks your car stereo and suddenly the only song that being played is that DETESTABLE SONG, and there is NO OFF button to push, no volume to turn down. Every time you get in your car you hear it at the loudest volume possible with no way of turning it down or even off, no way to even remove that radio from your car or disable it - it just IS that way and there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING you can do about it - your car is now THAT HORRID SONG! That is an obsessive thought.
I see more posts coming...stay tuned...
They are doing exposure therapy with the patients on "Obsessed", and that is not something I agree with. Do I have coping mechanisms, ABSOLUTELY! But even if one thing ceases to be a compulsive thought or action, it is replaced with another. So the germ-a-phob guy on the show who had no trash cans in his house, no towels in his bathroom was made to do this so his "therapist" could put a dirty tampon in his garbage can, and use his towels. Then he was made to hold the towels. And after 3 months of therapy she told him "You cannot control your thoughts, you cannot control you anxiety, but you can control how you react to it." ABSOLUTELY - I control how I react to mine all the time, I push pause, I stuff it till later - but it is GOING TO COME OUT SOMEHOW. It may not be in a visible way that anyone else can see, I'll just do it in secret. I did it for years, when something I did got to weird for people to deal with, or I was told it was annoying or to stop doing something, I just switched the compulsion. I did something in the presence of other people so they wouldn't see, to bide my time. Then when I was all alone and could be FREE - I did the compulsion I needed to do one, two, three or eight hours ago.
The lady on the show had lost her father in an accident, and she had held onto the clothes he died in. She hid them, only brought them out in private. I have so many things - SILLY THINGS - that I have held onto for years. They mean something to me, it might have been a kleenex used at a funeral or a various other things I am not even willing to share openly on this blog - and do I think OH MY GOODNESS why am I keeping this? YES!!!!!!!!! But I cannot throw it away - I might NEED IT.
My psychiatrist told me when I began to see him he did not believe in behavior modification therapy, that is what they are doing on this show. And now that I know more about my disease I understand why. I have been in therapy for FOUR YEARS learning coping mechanisms - these people did 12 weeks and they are suddenly CURED of their O.C.D.? All this type of therapy does is take away the physical manifesting of a person's anxiety. They may not check a lock 100 x's, they may not wash their hands 40 x's a day, but does that mean the thoughts are not there? I don't think so. Can people be "made" to do things, absolutely - but that doesn't take away the MENTAL torture they have in their minds. And I can tell you all day long that I am fine, great, wonderful - it doesn't mean that I am. I can tell you I am not anxious, and if I train myself to hide all the physical manifestations of anxiety - you won't know that I am anxious - there will be no facial expressions, not checking, no washing rituals - but it is still there - inside my head with no where to go. And just like a container that gets TOO full of water - eventually it will start spilling out - over the sides and EVERYWHERE. And honestly when those are put up feelings and anxiety and emotion - I have no idea how they will then manifest - NO CLUE.
I have a dear husband, who loves me enough to walk this journey with me, and I am incredibly lucky to have him. I had lunch dates, movies and shopping with friends. Parties to go to, had people over for cookouts and holidays. I don't have that anymore. And it is so sad to me that people could not deal with this craziness that is my life, but I understand it. I see how annoying my need to constantly be told that you are not mad at me would be frustrating. That my constant worry that I did something wrong would be annoying. That my need to do things a certain way would be tiring. That my obsession with you as my friend, would be suffocating. But it doesn't make it any easier that I spend most days alone, and no longer have those fun things to look forward to. I am just so thankful that Keith loves me and he is my best friend, and I am his - and that we love to do the same things and even the things we don't have in common we tolerate just to be with one another.
Final thought for the evening - just to try and get you to understand what an obsessive thought feels like. Imagine a song that DRIVES YOU UP A WALL - I mean you HATE THIS SONG. It makes you want to throw up with you hear the first note on the radio and you quickly change the station. Imagine that someone hijacks your car stereo and suddenly the only song that being played is that DETESTABLE SONG, and there is NO OFF button to push, no volume to turn down. Every time you get in your car you hear it at the loudest volume possible with no way of turning it down or even off, no way to even remove that radio from your car or disable it - it just IS that way and there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING you can do about it - your car is now THAT HORRID SONG! That is an obsessive thought.
I see more posts coming...stay tuned...
Thursday, April 9, 2009
My childhood....Dan Miller
No this man is not a member of my family, and I have never met him personally. But he has been the news anchor on Channel 4 in Nashville my ENTIRE LIFE! I mean, you turn on the channel 4 news and you expect to see Dan & Demetria. WOW! This news hits me kind of hard this morning. Someone you have been used to seeing every night when you watch the news, and now he is gone. He has a young daughter, and I feel for her so much, and can relate - losing my own dad at 17.
Dan is a piece of my youth, and my present, and he will be greatly missed.
Prayers lifted up for his family and co-workers, and all the people of Middle Tennessee who loved him.
Dan Miller 1941 - 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Therapy, Prayers, and more...
Tomorrow my best friend is having major surgery. Please lift her up in prayer and the doctors who will be working with her before during and after surgery.
Also, my friend Sandy's little boy - Cooper, has been diagnosed with Neurocutaneous Melanosis. He is 15 months old, and is undergoing chemo treatments. Please keep them in your prayers. Going back and forth to the treatments, and trying to raise both Cooper and his older sister is rough. And I know Sandy and her husband will appreciate any prayers said for them.
Tomorrow I have my first therapy session of 2009, and it is the first one since November. With Keith's job loss, no insurance, busy schedules at the therapist's office it has been a long time coming. I am afraid she is going to have to block off more than one hour for me! LOL! Or at least have to say "OK LORI YOUR TIME IS UP!!!"
Keith has started his new job and we are so excited. We became members of First Baptist Church here in town. And we are having our first "outside of church" get together with our small group on Saturday night. So exciting!!!
OH - and see that cool little "somethinghappens.org" on the right side of my blog - GO CHECK IT OUT!
Have a great Tuesday!!!
Also, my friend Sandy's little boy - Cooper, has been diagnosed with Neurocutaneous Melanosis. He is 15 months old, and is undergoing chemo treatments. Please keep them in your prayers. Going back and forth to the treatments, and trying to raise both Cooper and his older sister is rough. And I know Sandy and her husband will appreciate any prayers said for them.
Tomorrow I have my first therapy session of 2009, and it is the first one since November. With Keith's job loss, no insurance, busy schedules at the therapist's office it has been a long time coming. I am afraid she is going to have to block off more than one hour for me! LOL! Or at least have to say "OK LORI YOUR TIME IS UP!!!"
Keith has started his new job and we are so excited. We became members of First Baptist Church here in town. And we are having our first "outside of church" get together with our small group on Saturday night. So exciting!!!
OH - and see that cool little "somethinghappens.org" on the right side of my blog - GO CHECK IT OUT!
Have a great Tuesday!!!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Confused???
Have you ever been confused? Truly I mean, the definition of the word confused is:
"con·fuse (kən-fyōōz')
v. con·fused, con·fus·ing, con·fus·es
v. tr.
1. A.To cause to be unable to think with clarity or act with intelligence or understanding; throw off.
B. To cause to feel embarrassment.
C. To mistake (for another): confused effusiveness with affection.
D. To make opaque; blur: "The old labels ... confuse debate instead of clarifying it" (Christopher Lasch).
E. To assemble without order or sense; jumble.
2. A. To mistake (for another): confused effusiveness with affection.
B. To make opaque; blur: "The old labels ... confuse debate instead of clarifying it" (Christopher Lasch).
C. To assemble without order or sense; jumble.
3. Archaic To bring to ruination."
from dictionary.com
Well I am CONFUSED! I am "unable to act with clarity or intelligence" right now on a couple of subjects. They overwhelm me, I am so confused. I just have the feeling that God is trying to tell me something through all this, I mean I KNOW he is, but I wish I could figure it out. Because out of this confusion is coming deep hurt on one topic. And on the other, it is making me feel uneducated. And I can "fix" the uneducated part - I can learn, I can grow, I can become educated on the topic, and I plan to do so - I am speaking about the bible. And the study of it in this instance. I never did this growing up, in the Catholic Church we did not do a lot of bible study, so since we have started attending First Family, I have started to do this; and I like it, but it does confuse me. But I will learn, it will change, and I will grow. I see what God is telling me about this. But the other thing I am confused about - I don't see it. I do not see the purpose in my hurt, and pain. I KNOW THERE IS ONE, and it will become clear to me at some point, God will reveal it, and maybe he has and I am just simply not paying attention. But this hurt and pain - this confusion: is almost too much to bear right now.
And is it true that only we can make ourselves "feel" a certain way - we are responsible for our feelings? No one else can make us feel ANYTHING? That seems like such an odd statement to me, because I feel other people can make us feel things. Perhaps it is not them making us feel, but their actions cause us to feel certain things? But why don't people see when they hurt others? A better question is why don't they CARE? I have always "felt" for other people, and would hold my own feelings and emotions in so as not to hurt others. I wouldn't get mad when I should have, or cry when I should have, or say "HEY THAT IS NOT RIGHT" when I should have, to spare another's feelings. And yes, that is my own thing to work through and deal with. But I just don't understand how some people can have ABSOLUTELY no clue they are hurting someone, I don't believe that - I think they DO KNOW, and that is the much harder question in my opinion - HOW CAN you TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT? Knowing that you used someone, or that they have been a much better friend to you, than you have been or ever will be to them - and it is on PURPOSE. How can you be so WRAPPED UP in your own self, in your own life, that you don't care about those who care about you??? You need them when you need them, but when you have someone or something "better" (in your eyes) on hand, who cares about that old friend, they will be there the next time you "need" them again. That is SO WRONG, so VERY wrong.
That truly makes me sad. I NEVER want to be known as someone who is hurtful to others, or uncaring, or unreliable as a friend, God please never let me be the one who is so wrapped up in herself that she cannot be a friend to someone else.. I want to continue to be the friend people come to when they need someone; the friend you can always count on no matter what time of day or night, the kind of friend that would lay down her life for you just as God has taught us to do.......and hopefully one day - I will receive that same friendship in return...
"con·fuse (kən-fyōōz')
v. con·fused, con·fus·ing, con·fus·es
v. tr.
1. A.To cause to be unable to think with clarity or act with intelligence or understanding; throw off.
B. To cause to feel embarrassment.
C. To mistake (for another): confused effusiveness with affection.
D. To make opaque; blur: "The old labels ... confuse debate instead of clarifying it" (Christopher Lasch).
E. To assemble without order or sense; jumble.
2. A. To mistake (for another): confused effusiveness with affection.
B. To make opaque; blur: "The old labels ... confuse debate instead of clarifying it" (Christopher Lasch).
C. To assemble without order or sense; jumble.
3. Archaic To bring to ruination."
from dictionary.com
Well I am CONFUSED! I am "unable to act with clarity or intelligence" right now on a couple of subjects. They overwhelm me, I am so confused. I just have the feeling that God is trying to tell me something through all this, I mean I KNOW he is, but I wish I could figure it out. Because out of this confusion is coming deep hurt on one topic. And on the other, it is making me feel uneducated. And I can "fix" the uneducated part - I can learn, I can grow, I can become educated on the topic, and I plan to do so - I am speaking about the bible. And the study of it in this instance. I never did this growing up, in the Catholic Church we did not do a lot of bible study, so since we have started attending First Family, I have started to do this; and I like it, but it does confuse me. But I will learn, it will change, and I will grow. I see what God is telling me about this. But the other thing I am confused about - I don't see it. I do not see the purpose in my hurt, and pain. I KNOW THERE IS ONE, and it will become clear to me at some point, God will reveal it, and maybe he has and I am just simply not paying attention. But this hurt and pain - this confusion: is almost too much to bear right now.
And is it true that only we can make ourselves "feel" a certain way - we are responsible for our feelings? No one else can make us feel ANYTHING? That seems like such an odd statement to me, because I feel other people can make us feel things. Perhaps it is not them making us feel, but their actions cause us to feel certain things? But why don't people see when they hurt others? A better question is why don't they CARE? I have always "felt" for other people, and would hold my own feelings and emotions in so as not to hurt others. I wouldn't get mad when I should have, or cry when I should have, or say "HEY THAT IS NOT RIGHT" when I should have, to spare another's feelings. And yes, that is my own thing to work through and deal with. But I just don't understand how some people can have ABSOLUTELY no clue they are hurting someone, I don't believe that - I think they DO KNOW, and that is the much harder question in my opinion - HOW CAN you TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT? Knowing that you used someone, or that they have been a much better friend to you, than you have been or ever will be to them - and it is on PURPOSE. How can you be so WRAPPED UP in your own self, in your own life, that you don't care about those who care about you??? You need them when you need them, but when you have someone or something "better" (in your eyes) on hand, who cares about that old friend, they will be there the next time you "need" them again. That is SO WRONG, so VERY wrong.
That truly makes me sad. I NEVER want to be known as someone who is hurtful to others, or uncaring, or unreliable as a friend, God please never let me be the one who is so wrapped up in herself that she cannot be a friend to someone else.. I want to continue to be the friend people come to when they need someone; the friend you can always count on no matter what time of day or night, the kind of friend that would lay down her life for you just as God has taught us to do.......and hopefully one day - I will receive that same friendship in return...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
TRUE STORY - NEVER GIVE UP!
I know - everyone says "Well this happened - it really did - to my friend!" But this time it is true. My friend, Jeff - who led me to the Lethal White Aussie Rescue Group where we adopted our Mazie girl - is Jeff Middleton in the story below! Never Give Up! Miracles Happen Everyday!!!
CLICK HERE To see pics of Jonah & Patch and to read the story on the newspaper's website
Family welcomes prodigal pet
By CELIA DEWOODY
Times Staff celiad@harrisondaily.com
Published: Sunday, January 25, 2009 6:07 AM
Sometimes answers to prayers come along when you least expect them.
The Galloway family — Mike, his wife Sonya, 11-year-old Jonah, 10-year-old Alyssa and nine-year-old Noah — moved to Harrison from Opelousas, La., last August, when Mike accepted a call to be the new youth pastor at First Baptist Church. Along with them came the family’s well-loved pets — Patch, a seven-year-old, medium-sized black dog of uncertain parentage, and the family’s large and dignified cat, Taz.
One foggy summer morning, not long after they had moved into their new home on Capps Road, Sonya let Patch out into the backyard.
“The fog was so dense, you could barely see 10 or 15 feet,” Mike said. “My wife let Patch out, and he just took off.”
And he didn’t come home. The Galloways called and called, and looked and looked, and could find no sign of Patch.
“I thought for a while we might find him, maybe he would show up,” Mike said.
“We called the Humane Society and left his description, but we never heard back,” Sonya said. “We thought maybe he’d just gone off to die.”
“We live by Edwards Ranch, and there are fields for days,” Mike said. “And because we were so new to the area, we figured Patch just couldn’t find his way home.”
He said Patch still had his old tags from Louisiana, because they hadn’t had a chance to take him to a local vet.
“We thought we’d never see him again,” he said.
Alyssa said, “I was really, really sad.”
“Whenever I found out he wasn’t coming back, I was really sad, too,” Noah said.
The Galloways all grieved for their lost dog, as they prayed hard that the good Lord would lead Patch back home.
But time went by, and there was no word of Patch. In October, the family went to Harvest Fest to volunteer at the First Baptist Church booth. At another booth were dogs available for adoption.
“You get used to having a dog,” Mike said. “Our house wasn’t quite the same.”
In the rescue dog booth was a pretty beagle about a year and a half old that needed a family, so the Galloways went home happily that day with Bayou, their new dog.
Taz, the cat, who had never seen eye-to-eye with Patch, developed a cautious friendship with Bayou, who soon won all the humans’ hearts.
“She plugged right into the family, and we got comfortable,” Mike said. “We’d never heard anything about Patch, and after several months go by, we didn’t expect to hear from Patch again.”
But they never stopped missing their shaggy black friend.
• • •
Later in the year, Jeff Middleton, a member of First Baptist Church and a volunteer at the Ozark Humane Society Shelter, helped get a service project going with the church’s pre-teen group, “The Link.”
The group divided into five teams and decided that each Wednesday, one team would go out to the animal shelter with a leader.
Jonah Galloway was in the first team to go to the shelter on Jan. 14, and Middleton went along as the team’s leader. When they arrived at the shelter, he asked the kids to each choose a dog to walk.
“(Jonah) picked a medium-sized shaggy black dog — sort of a border collie, shep, Aussie-mix-looking guy — to walk. He said it reminded him of their dog that disappeared after they moved here,” Middleton said.
When Patch had gotten lost, one of his black ears had been drooping, because of a problem with ear infections on that side.
The black dog Jonah chose to walk at the shelter had two drooping ears.
Jonah said he walked the black dog for a few minutes, then sat down to rest for a minute. He said the dog reminded him so much of the lost Patch, he thought he’d try an experiment.
“I called, ‘Patch!’ and he came!” Jonah said. “Then he started licking me all over. Then I called him and he knocked me over and was standing over me, licking me.”
Middleton shared the drama from his point of view.
“I was busy with the other kids, but I looked over at Jonah a minute later and this dog was standing up with its paws on Jonah’s chest, licking him and wagging his tail,” Middleton said. “Then they sort of fell on the ground and the dog just pounced on Jonah and went into a frenzy of delight. Jonah started calling out, ‘Patch, Patch!’ and praise the Lord, it was his dog that had disappeared in August!”
Because it was after hours and the shelter office wasn’t open, Middleton said when it was time to take the kids back to the church, they had to lock Patch back up in his cage and leave him at the shelter, which was tough.
When they got back to the church, Jonah found his sister Alyssa and told her the news.
“I told her, ‘I think I found Patch,’” he said. “And Alyssa started bawling.”
Sonja said when Jonah told her and Mike that he had found Patch, it was hard to believe.
“We were very skeptical,” she said.
“Sonya and I were very guarded,” Mike said. “We weren’t sure, because we hadn’t seen him. You’re kind of in disbelief.”
Early the next morning, after the three kids had gone to school, Mike and Sonya drove out to the animal shelter.
When they drove up, they could see the black dog in the pen, and they both were sure it was Patch.
One of the shelter workers opened the pen.
“He ran out and started licking us,” Mike said. “When they pulled him out, Sonya was crying and I was crying. So we re-adopted him. The shelter did a fantastic job of taking care of him.”
“He’s a wonderful dog, very protective, very good-natured,” Mike said. “He fit right back into our family. It’s amazing. Even Bayou has taken to him. They don’t fight or anything.”
•••
Patch got lost on Aug. 20. According to Diane Ferguson, Ozark Humane Society public relations director, Harrison Animal Control picked him up at some point after that and held him as long as they could, then turned him over to the Humane Society sometime in late September.
“He had a flea allergy, so he was missing hair on his back, and he was bedraggled when he got here,” Ferguson said.
Humane Society Board member Linda Daniel said, “We had Patch neutered while he was in our care, which should eliminate the need to roam.”
And here’s something that makes Patch’s reunion with his family seem like it was orchestrated by from Above: At one point while he was at the shelter, an out-of-state family chose Patch to adopt. The shelter staff moved Patch to a cage in the front office, so that he could get used to being around people, and so they observe the way he reacted to other dogs and cats.
“Everybody loved him at the shelter,” Daniel said.
The adoption ended up falling through, but the fact that Patch was still in a cage in the front, where Jonah was able to spot him right away, played a role in his being reunited with his family.
Most animal shelters would not keep a dog for six months — if it wasn’t adopted after a certain length of time, the homeless dog would be put down. But the Ozark Humane Society does its best not to euthanize animals, except in cases of serious illness.
According to Linda Daniel, the shelter has only put down four dogs since December, 2007, and all four of those were in January 2008.
One more miracle working in Patch’s favor.
• • •
What did the Galloway children learn from their experience with their prayers being answered, by their lost dog being returned to them after so many long months?
Jonah said, “Never give up.”
Alyssa said, “Always trust God.”
Noah said, “Always keep faith.”
The only member of the Galloway family who’s not overjoyed to have Patch back home is Taz, the cat.
“The kitty’s reaction has been kind of funny,” Sonya said. “They never saw eye-to-eye, and when Patch got lost, Taz became the only animal in the house.”
The cat kind of liked being the head of the household, but soon made a grudging friendship with the newcomer beagle, Bayou. He was not thrilled, however, when the prodigal son, Patch, came home.
“Taz definitely doesn’t like having Patch back,” Sonya said.
Everyone involved in Patch’s homecoming seems to have been moved by the experience.
“This has been such a blessing,” said Kim Rosson, director of Children and Preschool Ministries at First Baptist Church. “It’s meant so much to all the kids. Every one of them has been touched by this. They realized God blesses you, no matter what you do in service.”
She said the Galloways were helping others, and “I felt like the Lord rewarded them for serving others.”
Jeff Middleton agrees.
“This boy’s faithfulness and compassion paid off,” he said.
CLICK HERE To see pics of Jonah & Patch and to read the story on the newspaper's website
Family welcomes prodigal pet
By CELIA DEWOODY
Times Staff celiad@harrisondaily.com
Published: Sunday, January 25, 2009 6:07 AM
Sometimes answers to prayers come along when you least expect them.
The Galloway family — Mike, his wife Sonya, 11-year-old Jonah, 10-year-old Alyssa and nine-year-old Noah — moved to Harrison from Opelousas, La., last August, when Mike accepted a call to be the new youth pastor at First Baptist Church. Along with them came the family’s well-loved pets — Patch, a seven-year-old, medium-sized black dog of uncertain parentage, and the family’s large and dignified cat, Taz.
One foggy summer morning, not long after they had moved into their new home on Capps Road, Sonya let Patch out into the backyard.
“The fog was so dense, you could barely see 10 or 15 feet,” Mike said. “My wife let Patch out, and he just took off.”
And he didn’t come home. The Galloways called and called, and looked and looked, and could find no sign of Patch.
“I thought for a while we might find him, maybe he would show up,” Mike said.
“We called the Humane Society and left his description, but we never heard back,” Sonya said. “We thought maybe he’d just gone off to die.”
“We live by Edwards Ranch, and there are fields for days,” Mike said. “And because we were so new to the area, we figured Patch just couldn’t find his way home.”
He said Patch still had his old tags from Louisiana, because they hadn’t had a chance to take him to a local vet.
“We thought we’d never see him again,” he said.
Alyssa said, “I was really, really sad.”
“Whenever I found out he wasn’t coming back, I was really sad, too,” Noah said.
The Galloways all grieved for their lost dog, as they prayed hard that the good Lord would lead Patch back home.
But time went by, and there was no word of Patch. In October, the family went to Harvest Fest to volunteer at the First Baptist Church booth. At another booth were dogs available for adoption.
“You get used to having a dog,” Mike said. “Our house wasn’t quite the same.”
In the rescue dog booth was a pretty beagle about a year and a half old that needed a family, so the Galloways went home happily that day with Bayou, their new dog.
Taz, the cat, who had never seen eye-to-eye with Patch, developed a cautious friendship with Bayou, who soon won all the humans’ hearts.
“She plugged right into the family, and we got comfortable,” Mike said. “We’d never heard anything about Patch, and after several months go by, we didn’t expect to hear from Patch again.”
But they never stopped missing their shaggy black friend.
• • •
Later in the year, Jeff Middleton, a member of First Baptist Church and a volunteer at the Ozark Humane Society Shelter, helped get a service project going with the church’s pre-teen group, “The Link.”
The group divided into five teams and decided that each Wednesday, one team would go out to the animal shelter with a leader.
Jonah Galloway was in the first team to go to the shelter on Jan. 14, and Middleton went along as the team’s leader. When they arrived at the shelter, he asked the kids to each choose a dog to walk.
“(Jonah) picked a medium-sized shaggy black dog — sort of a border collie, shep, Aussie-mix-looking guy — to walk. He said it reminded him of their dog that disappeared after they moved here,” Middleton said.
When Patch had gotten lost, one of his black ears had been drooping, because of a problem with ear infections on that side.
The black dog Jonah chose to walk at the shelter had two drooping ears.
Jonah said he walked the black dog for a few minutes, then sat down to rest for a minute. He said the dog reminded him so much of the lost Patch, he thought he’d try an experiment.
“I called, ‘Patch!’ and he came!” Jonah said. “Then he started licking me all over. Then I called him and he knocked me over and was standing over me, licking me.”
Middleton shared the drama from his point of view.
“I was busy with the other kids, but I looked over at Jonah a minute later and this dog was standing up with its paws on Jonah’s chest, licking him and wagging his tail,” Middleton said. “Then they sort of fell on the ground and the dog just pounced on Jonah and went into a frenzy of delight. Jonah started calling out, ‘Patch, Patch!’ and praise the Lord, it was his dog that had disappeared in August!”
Because it was after hours and the shelter office wasn’t open, Middleton said when it was time to take the kids back to the church, they had to lock Patch back up in his cage and leave him at the shelter, which was tough.
When they got back to the church, Jonah found his sister Alyssa and told her the news.
“I told her, ‘I think I found Patch,’” he said. “And Alyssa started bawling.”
Sonja said when Jonah told her and Mike that he had found Patch, it was hard to believe.
“We were very skeptical,” she said.
“Sonya and I were very guarded,” Mike said. “We weren’t sure, because we hadn’t seen him. You’re kind of in disbelief.”
Early the next morning, after the three kids had gone to school, Mike and Sonya drove out to the animal shelter.
When they drove up, they could see the black dog in the pen, and they both were sure it was Patch.
One of the shelter workers opened the pen.
“He ran out and started licking us,” Mike said. “When they pulled him out, Sonya was crying and I was crying. So we re-adopted him. The shelter did a fantastic job of taking care of him.”
“He’s a wonderful dog, very protective, very good-natured,” Mike said. “He fit right back into our family. It’s amazing. Even Bayou has taken to him. They don’t fight or anything.”
•••
Patch got lost on Aug. 20. According to Diane Ferguson, Ozark Humane Society public relations director, Harrison Animal Control picked him up at some point after that and held him as long as they could, then turned him over to the Humane Society sometime in late September.
“He had a flea allergy, so he was missing hair on his back, and he was bedraggled when he got here,” Ferguson said.
Humane Society Board member Linda Daniel said, “We had Patch neutered while he was in our care, which should eliminate the need to roam.”
And here’s something that makes Patch’s reunion with his family seem like it was orchestrated by from Above: At one point while he was at the shelter, an out-of-state family chose Patch to adopt. The shelter staff moved Patch to a cage in the front office, so that he could get used to being around people, and so they observe the way he reacted to other dogs and cats.
“Everybody loved him at the shelter,” Daniel said.
The adoption ended up falling through, but the fact that Patch was still in a cage in the front, where Jonah was able to spot him right away, played a role in his being reunited with his family.
Most animal shelters would not keep a dog for six months — if it wasn’t adopted after a certain length of time, the homeless dog would be put down. But the Ozark Humane Society does its best not to euthanize animals, except in cases of serious illness.
According to Linda Daniel, the shelter has only put down four dogs since December, 2007, and all four of those were in January 2008.
One more miracle working in Patch’s favor.
• • •
What did the Galloway children learn from their experience with their prayers being answered, by their lost dog being returned to them after so many long months?
Jonah said, “Never give up.”
Alyssa said, “Always trust God.”
Noah said, “Always keep faith.”
The only member of the Galloway family who’s not overjoyed to have Patch back home is Taz, the cat.
“The kitty’s reaction has been kind of funny,” Sonya said. “They never saw eye-to-eye, and when Patch got lost, Taz became the only animal in the house.”
The cat kind of liked being the head of the household, but soon made a grudging friendship with the newcomer beagle, Bayou. He was not thrilled, however, when the prodigal son, Patch, came home.
“Taz definitely doesn’t like having Patch back,” Sonya said.
Everyone involved in Patch’s homecoming seems to have been moved by the experience.
“This has been such a blessing,” said Kim Rosson, director of Children and Preschool Ministries at First Baptist Church. “It’s meant so much to all the kids. Every one of them has been touched by this. They realized God blesses you, no matter what you do in service.”
She said the Galloways were helping others, and “I felt like the Lord rewarded them for serving others.”
Jeff Middleton agrees.
“This boy’s faithfulness and compassion paid off,” he said.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Marlie's growl....
Well Marlie has this infamous little growl. She does it when she is sleeping and not awake. She has done this since she was 9 weeks old and we brought her home. It is HILARIOUS if you can get her awake when she does it, because she looks like you like "OOPS, sorry mama - I'm in trouble now!" And it has never been a problem because we hear it and tell her to hush, and she does. Or if it is directed at Missie, well Missie lets her know who is REALLY BOSS! This has only recently become a problem because Mazie - our double merle - is deaf. And she cannot hear the warning growl.
I hoped Mazie would be able to sense Marlie's change in demeanour - and would learn to back off. But back in December Marlie has got a little upset & she bit Mazie, on her little lip, and Mazie cried - never heard Mazie cry since we adopted her. SOOOOOO new rule in place, when we hear the growl, Marlie goes to her doggie bed. She is in TIME OUT, and she will stay there until you tell her to get up. A month of doing this has lessened the growls to almost nothing, because she doesn't like being in our bedroom while fun is happening in the rest of the house, and also it has been short growls and nothing further than that. So we plan to keep this up. I know SLACKER that I am I should have done it before now - but honestly I thought that Mazie would learn to "sense" Marlie's uneasiness somehow.
Anyway - Saturday night we told Marlie to go get on her doggie bed, and instead she crawled into the bottom of the TV cabinet. And this is her picture. It was so funny because Mazie went over and laid down beside her and barked like "SISSIE GET OUT AND PLAY WITH ME!!!" Oh - Keith and I had to leave the room so we wouldn't laugh, but I did get to snap one picture with my phone. Oh.....they are like children.
PS - her eyes don't really look that scary - it is the flash on the phone! LOL!
I hoped Mazie would be able to sense Marlie's change in demeanour - and would learn to back off. But back in December Marlie has got a little upset & she bit Mazie, on her little lip, and Mazie cried - never heard Mazie cry since we adopted her. SOOOOOO new rule in place, when we hear the growl, Marlie goes to her doggie bed. She is in TIME OUT, and she will stay there until you tell her to get up. A month of doing this has lessened the growls to almost nothing, because she doesn't like being in our bedroom while fun is happening in the rest of the house, and also it has been short growls and nothing further than that. So we plan to keep this up. I know SLACKER that I am I should have done it before now - but honestly I thought that Mazie would learn to "sense" Marlie's uneasiness somehow.
Anyway - Saturday night we told Marlie to go get on her doggie bed, and instead she crawled into the bottom of the TV cabinet. And this is her picture. It was so funny because Mazie went over and laid down beside her and barked like "SISSIE GET OUT AND PLAY WITH ME!!!" Oh - Keith and I had to leave the room so we wouldn't laugh, but I did get to snap one picture with my phone. Oh.....they are like children.
PS - her eyes don't really look that scary - it is the flash on the phone! LOL!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Happy New Year!
We had a good Christmas full of love and family! We feel so blessed by everyone in our lives, and we hope to spend more time with you in this new year!
Check out the pictures to the right from Christmas!!!
Love to you all!
Check out the pictures to the right from Christmas!!!
Love to you all!
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