WOW...i talked on the phone to a stranger...

ok so I know you are thinking - SO? But I don't talk on the phone. I am not sure what it is - but I will literally have a panic attack. I think the phone held a lot of bad news when I was younger, so my OCD has just attached that feeling to the phone. So tonight Keith was calling Verizon about some crazy mix-up on our bill since I got my blackberry (YES YOU ALL NEED ONE - IT ROCKS!) And he was trying to watch the Tennessee game and then she had to have my permission to talk to him because I am primary owner. So I just kept talking to her - and I did it! I got all our stuff changed on our plans, and all the mix-ups worked out and I didn't FREAK at all! I just talked to her, told her thank you for doing such an awesome job and hung up! She was so nice and that helped. But maybe I can start to talk on the phone??? Now don't everyone call me at once - or I will be completely traumitized! But maybe I can attach a new "feeling" to the phone???

Life can be so confusing...

Last night I had dinner with some family members. And the subject of my (and another family members) germ-a-phobia came up. That of course bled into other topics. And eventually a comment was made that my OCD was "just a mental thing I could work through..." WELL YEAH, I know it is mental - but that is like saying if you hold a snake long enough you won't be afraid of snakes anymore. There are people in this world who COMPLETELY agree with that statement. And as much as I wish that was the case it isn't. I think I am beginning to realize that although I wore my "Mask of Normality & Happiness" for so many years, and thinking about how frustrating it was to not be myself - that doesn't matter.

There are people in this world who will TRY to understand me and my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and then there are people who either don't try, or just CANNOT try because of their own beliefs, etc. And so I think - will it be ok to wear that "MASK" around those people - for my sake and theirs? Because all it does is stress me out worrying that they think I am NUTS?!?!? Or is that denying who I really am, and hiding a major part of my life?

We had dinner with friends tonight and it is not something I feel I need to "keep" from them. And I have friends I can text and say "I AM HAVING A PANIC ATTACK - TALK TO ME PLEASE!?!?!?!" And I have those friends who GET that talking on the phone is just a panic attack waiting to happen for me - and the texts are a-ok with them. And then I know I have people/family/friends in my life who think "WHY IN THE WORLD CAN YOU NOT ANSWER YOUR PHONE?"/"WHY IN THE WORLD CAN YOU NOT CALL ME INSTEAD OF TEXTING?"

And so here comes that dilemma again - do I just call and talk on the phone, do I just pick it up and answer and have the panic attack later in private when I CAN take off the "MASK", and not subject anyone else to my "issues".

Just some questions to ponder at 1:30am on a Saturday morning...

busy busy busy (Breaking Dawn Spoilers ahead!!!)

Well, I have my other blog up and running! And there are pictures on it! WOOHOO! It has been a long day. Keith was up and off to work, his mom in the driveway picking up bread to take to Michael's school, dogs barking, setting the mums in the yard back upright and finally it was all quiet. I was settled in with Breaking Dawn, the last book in the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer. I had maybe 100 pages of the book left, which for me is NOTHING. I was so sad, and then my phone rang. It was Keith "Ummmmm, can you come and get me? I hit something and my tire is flat." So off i went - he brought me home, and here i was with no car for the day, errands to run, and nothing to eat. Thank goodness he had brought muffins home from Panera last night. So again, settled back in to read Breaking Dawn, and it felt like it was over in a flash. Edward and Bella - their happy ending. As happy as I was to know the end, I was sad. Because at the end of this book - it said - THE END! NOOOOOOOOOOO! It cannot be over. Bella and Edward, Renesmee, Jacob, Carlisle, the Volturi - they all have more stories to tell. It just cannot be over. And so for once I allow my OCD to take over and convince myself that there will be more books about these wonderful creatures. And hopefully by the time my obsession is a little less, there will be something new. Or I could just go read all 4 books again! LoL!

I have been playing with my digital cutter more. I cut some vinyl and it turned out pretty well. I am hoping to have something cut out for the front door for Fall/Halloween soon. And I will post pics of all the decorations soon. It was raining too hard today to even THINK about photos.

We had friends over for dinner on Saturday afternoon. It was so nice to sit outside and enjoy the patio. We even got to swing and eventually light up the fire pit. It was not as successful as we hoped. Keith's friend, Josh, tried to get that wood burning, but I think because we didn't have a starter log it just wasn't going to happen. But we had a fire for a little while. Keith made burgers, steamed veggies and garlic new potatos. YUM YUM YUM!

Sunday I was EXHAUSTED! I talked about this during my last therapy session. Slowing down - realizing that social activity takes a lot of me. I have to be "normal" for a little while. I can't just let it all hang out with my OCD. I have to kept myself in check. I can't freak out over things that would normally FREAK ME OUT (like shoes in the house - I was so impressed I kept my mouth shut). But "keeping myself in check" means that I am mentally and physically WORN OUT by the time that social activity is over. My anxious mind can now let up a little, but it has new worries to ponder. And then the obsessive cleaning begins again. At this point my hands hurt SO BADLY from cleaning and biting my nails I don't know that they will ever be normal again. OH MY! This isn't to say that I did not enjoy having people over I LOVE IT! But because it was a first for them all to be here, I was on edge. Next time, I will be more at ease.

Also, I must say WOOOOOHOOOOOOO! Our border collie Missie Moo made friends! It was amazing to watch. I mean we did have dog people over here, so they did not freak out with she barked, and they did not try to run. They just stood still and let her do her thing. She growled, she smelled, she brought them the ball to throw. AMAZING! My girl can do it! So see, if we can just run through our OCD tendencies - Missie & I - we'll be just dandy! Missie was so in love, she followed a friend around the house like "Hey don't leave me I am right behind you, hold up!" Too cute! Just bursting with pride, I am!

So little Stealth is at Gateway Tire waiting for them to open in the morning. i will have to run the keys down there to them, but no biggie. But I do have to be up at 4:30am to take Keith to work, so I supposed I ought to TRY to sleep. Not that I do much of that at night, but if I can't sleep I'll go play with my stamps or my cutter!

What is all this???

I know some of you are thinking, what is all this stuff about necks and twilight? Well if you have not heard of the AMAZING series of books by Stephanie Meyer, please let me introduce you to Bella & Edward! I don't want to give anything away because these books are just AMAZING! I have Breaking Dawn on the table right now, but don't want to start because then I don't get to "see" Edward and Bella for a while. Well, maybe I will just re-read all of them! LOL! These books were developed for a Young Adult audience, but they are so wonderful. I love them, I have been reading them so quickly, they are just awesome. Now realize that these are SUPERNATURAL in nature, if this might offend you, I wouldn't recommend these books. But even with my devoutly religious mindset I LOVE THEM!

I am off to finish up my housework, then to SCS (Split Coast Stampers) to hip-hop with Unity!